Well, Christmas has come and gone and that's cool. We weren't really into the holiday season this year with recent events, but, hey, still loving the Almighty and His grace this Christmas season. Mostly just spent with both families because that is what you should do, and had an all around good time with the people who mean most.
And speaking of His grace, I have done surprisingly well on the "Make Myself Better" front, and I owe that all to Him. He has shown me patience and how to find inner strength against a battle I've fought all my life. I've gone from my sugar being unreadable to a 350 yesterday. Good? No. Better? Yes. My dad has been incredibly helpful through all this. With his own diabetes being around for the last ten years, he knows all the trade secrets, so to speak, to help me through this and not get overwhelmed. I've pretty much kicked the pop and fast food, the infection that was keeping me from exercising comfortably is just about gone, and my appetite has definitely started to curb, which has made everything a heck of a lot more manageable.
Anyways. Doctor's appointment on Tuesday, and then hopefully some good news...or at least better than recently. More updates to come.
28 December 2008
18 December 2008
I'm not even sure where to begin
So I'm going to once again try the beginning.
About two weeks ago, I woke up and realized that my vision was a tad hazy. When I turned on the television, I realized it was more than hazy. It was almost as if someone had pulled a screen over my eyes and said, "There you go." Scary? Kind of, seeing as how I've always had better than 20/20 vision. I went a couple of days without saying anything (pride...not a good thing) until finally I told my wife-to-be that "I couldn't see very well." Naturally, my near-sighted lady told me that it wasn't funny that she could see things better than I could because I was supposed to provide the good genes to our kids; that hopefully they wouldn't need glasses. (Then she gave me a hug and asked what she could do.)
Now, timing was everything. I had just been "hired" by Aflac to join their team and I had my pre-certification classes coming up. I went to all three classes (8 am to 5 pm), but on the second day, I couldn't take it anymore. At about 3:00, I told my instructor I had to leave because my eyes hurt so badly from trying to read the overhead projections. I came back the next day and realized I was in bad shape because we had to read things off of the screen. I stumbled so many times that i could hardly keep from just hiding under my table when it was my turn again. Nevertheless, I perservered and passed the precertification test. That night, my "boss" gave me a call and asked how things went. I was honest with him. I told him I had passed but was having some vision problems, so I was going to postpone signing up for my licensing exam until after I got my health checked out. He pretty much talked right through me and reminded me to sign up for the exam right away. I hung up the phone and realized I didn't want to work for Aflac.
So I started making calls, trying to get in to see any doctor. I knew it was going to be a trial because I had no insurance, so would have to probably go the clinic route. After three days of phone calls and no headway, my mom told me to come down to her work (she works at Goodwill), talk to a caseworker, and then she was taking me to the emergency room. We got there at 1:30.
Now, a quick aside for a couple of quick thoughts. First of all, those of you actually reading this, I commend you because it isn't exactly a short post and I know most of you that I know that may read this have some form of Adult ADD. Second, get a drink or a snack, because it has a ways to go. And third: I'm not stupid. I am ridiculously overweight, my father is a diabetic and I grew up with his disease and my mom is a nurse. I all ready knew the diagnosis. It was just a matter of finally being told and now having to "fix" it.
We got there at 1:30. I was finally taken back at 2:30. The doctor, who wasn't great, but he was an ER doc, so I didn't expect much, didn't have to do much of an exam. He ordered blood and urine immediately and I just had to wait. At about 3:00, results were back and he said, "Yeah. You're definitely diabetic. Your sugar is higher than I thought and your ketone level is ridiculous." Ketones basically are what occurs when you have too much glucose in your body. He comes back a couple of minutes later and says, "It's actually worse than I thought. I've got to hook you up to an IV to push those ketones out." Yay. Another needle. So, at about 3:30, I was hooked up to my first liter of saline with insulin pushed through. He really thought that one liter was going to get my sugar down and I could go. Nope. Three liters and about five hours later, it finally got down. He couldn't believe how dehydrated I was. It went without saying that if I didn't go in that day or soon after, I would have probably been hospitalized with DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis...my blood sugar was through the roof). On top of that, I have an infection that has to be flushed out with antibiotics, but really won't go away unless I get my diabetis in control.
So now it's on. Diet. Exercise. Eliminating everything that I have used to destroy my body that by the time I turned 26, I wasn't too far gone, but I almost killed myself in a way. Needless to say, it's been a crazy two days and I'm still not really altogether "here." The only thing I can be thankful for is my support. My wife, my mom, my dad. Her parents and sister. I'm glad I have them because I would probably be more of a wreck today than ever.
I don't want to die. I know what I have to do. But the marathon started today. Hopefully, weight-loss and health updates will be coming daily, weekly, monthly. Who knows.
Tomorrow is another day. Thanks for reading, anyone who did.
About two weeks ago, I woke up and realized that my vision was a tad hazy. When I turned on the television, I realized it was more than hazy. It was almost as if someone had pulled a screen over my eyes and said, "There you go." Scary? Kind of, seeing as how I've always had better than 20/20 vision. I went a couple of days without saying anything (pride...not a good thing) until finally I told my wife-to-be that "I couldn't see very well." Naturally, my near-sighted lady told me that it wasn't funny that she could see things better than I could because I was supposed to provide the good genes to our kids; that hopefully they wouldn't need glasses. (Then she gave me a hug and asked what she could do.)
Now, timing was everything. I had just been "hired" by Aflac to join their team and I had my pre-certification classes coming up. I went to all three classes (8 am to 5 pm), but on the second day, I couldn't take it anymore. At about 3:00, I told my instructor I had to leave because my eyes hurt so badly from trying to read the overhead projections. I came back the next day and realized I was in bad shape because we had to read things off of the screen. I stumbled so many times that i could hardly keep from just hiding under my table when it was my turn again. Nevertheless, I perservered and passed the precertification test. That night, my "boss" gave me a call and asked how things went. I was honest with him. I told him I had passed but was having some vision problems, so I was going to postpone signing up for my licensing exam until after I got my health checked out. He pretty much talked right through me and reminded me to sign up for the exam right away. I hung up the phone and realized I didn't want to work for Aflac.
So I started making calls, trying to get in to see any doctor. I knew it was going to be a trial because I had no insurance, so would have to probably go the clinic route. After three days of phone calls and no headway, my mom told me to come down to her work (she works at Goodwill), talk to a caseworker, and then she was taking me to the emergency room. We got there at 1:30.
Now, a quick aside for a couple of quick thoughts. First of all, those of you actually reading this, I commend you because it isn't exactly a short post and I know most of you that I know that may read this have some form of Adult ADD. Second, get a drink or a snack, because it has a ways to go. And third: I'm not stupid. I am ridiculously overweight, my father is a diabetic and I grew up with his disease and my mom is a nurse. I all ready knew the diagnosis. It was just a matter of finally being told and now having to "fix" it.
We got there at 1:30. I was finally taken back at 2:30. The doctor, who wasn't great, but he was an ER doc, so I didn't expect much, didn't have to do much of an exam. He ordered blood and urine immediately and I just had to wait. At about 3:00, results were back and he said, "Yeah. You're definitely diabetic. Your sugar is higher than I thought and your ketone level is ridiculous." Ketones basically are what occurs when you have too much glucose in your body. He comes back a couple of minutes later and says, "It's actually worse than I thought. I've got to hook you up to an IV to push those ketones out." Yay. Another needle. So, at about 3:30, I was hooked up to my first liter of saline with insulin pushed through. He really thought that one liter was going to get my sugar down and I could go. Nope. Three liters and about five hours later, it finally got down. He couldn't believe how dehydrated I was. It went without saying that if I didn't go in that day or soon after, I would have probably been hospitalized with DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis...my blood sugar was through the roof). On top of that, I have an infection that has to be flushed out with antibiotics, but really won't go away unless I get my diabetis in control.
So now it's on. Diet. Exercise. Eliminating everything that I have used to destroy my body that by the time I turned 26, I wasn't too far gone, but I almost killed myself in a way. Needless to say, it's been a crazy two days and I'm still not really altogether "here." The only thing I can be thankful for is my support. My wife, my mom, my dad. Her parents and sister. I'm glad I have them because I would probably be more of a wreck today than ever.
I don't want to die. I know what I have to do. But the marathon started today. Hopefully, weight-loss and health updates will be coming daily, weekly, monthly. Who knows.
Tomorrow is another day. Thanks for reading, anyone who did.
Out of a job... (Originally posted November 2, 2008)
Where to begin?
At the beginning, I suppose. I have worked in child care for eight years, and have worked with kids for almost ten. At times, it has been an extremely rewarding experience. Other times, of course, it has been trying to say the least. My most recent position was as lead school age teacher and night manager at Little Learners Child Development Center. Except for my first trip into the world of childcare, this had been the best. Then, things started to change. I could go, piece by piece, into the things that were wrong about that place; the people, the issues, the ideals...but all that would lead to are things said that don't need to be aired out on a blogspace. But it all leads up to the simple fact that my character was called into question when there was no reason for it to be.
I consider myself to have pretty thick skin. In fact, if I didn't, I wouldn't have lasted nearly as long as I did at Little Learners. But finally, the master of pushing until she finally gets pushed back pushed one too many of my buttons. She had won; I didn't want to work for her anymore. So after talking it over with my wonderful bride-to-be, I made up my mind and gave notice.
Now here's the thing. In today's day and age, EVERYONE is replaceable. There isn't a single job that is out there that you do that someone else can't come in and do too. As soon as you recognize that you are replaceable, then I think you honestly do your job better or just give up. In this case, I gave up. I didn't want to because never in my life have I met an employer who didn't deserve to "win" the game like this one didn't. Is she a horrible person? No. No one, at their core is a horrible person. Is she a horrible manager of people? Well, yeah. Pretty horrible. But that doesn't matter. You have to realize that in this world, there are employers and employees. And employees, especially in the child care field are not exactly in short supply. One person leaves, another can step in and take their place. Is it a hassle to have to continually hire and fire? Yes, I think it is. But then again, in the long run, the employer wins out. They always will. So you have to get past that point.
So in the end, I made a decision which in the long run, will make me happier, will make my wife happier and make all those who come in to contact with me happier because for the time being, I don't have to work at a job that doesn't want me there.
It's funny, because in that line of work, it is relatively easy to come down hard on the person running the show. With information you have, with things that you've seen, taken part of, or at the very least know to have happened, it would be so easy to be vindictive and take a parting shot at those who took shots at you every chance they had. Then the Big Man steps in. I was seething from the moment I decided to turn in my notice until the day I did. Then, on the drive to work that day, one of my favorite praise songs came on and I was compelled to turn up the volume, so I could actually LISTEN to the words; so that I could follow the logic behind the song. By the time I had gotten to work that day, every ounce of anger had completely melted away. I had taken the time to put myself into the shoes of EVERYONE else and reminded myself that everyone makes mistakes and everyone has issues that I don't know about...or in some cases, have a peripheral view of and know enough that something isn't completely right. And I can't do anything about some of those things except continue to pray and take it out of my hands and put it into God's. I've done that and I couldn't be happier. I don't want the responsibility of making bad decisions when I can just listen to Him and do what He wants me to do. And He didn't want me there anymore, currying favor from demons instead of praising His name and asking for His help.
I know to some of you this probably sounds like a load of bull, and I'm willing to hear you say that. But I stand by all of it. I haven't fallen into those around me who judged me unfairly by judging them or sending others their way to judge their sins and mistakes. That is on them to fix, and I pray that they find the strength to admit their faults and take His guidance to find a way to fix them.
In closing, "Ten Years of Service" doesn't translate to "Ten Years of Excellent Service" and Ten Years of doing things one way doesn't mean the next ten should be done that way. It isn't always right, no matter if you think it does.
At the beginning, I suppose. I have worked in child care for eight years, and have worked with kids for almost ten. At times, it has been an extremely rewarding experience. Other times, of course, it has been trying to say the least. My most recent position was as lead school age teacher and night manager at Little Learners Child Development Center. Except for my first trip into the world of childcare, this had been the best. Then, things started to change. I could go, piece by piece, into the things that were wrong about that place; the people, the issues, the ideals...but all that would lead to are things said that don't need to be aired out on a blogspace. But it all leads up to the simple fact that my character was called into question when there was no reason for it to be.
I consider myself to have pretty thick skin. In fact, if I didn't, I wouldn't have lasted nearly as long as I did at Little Learners. But finally, the master of pushing until she finally gets pushed back pushed one too many of my buttons. She had won; I didn't want to work for her anymore. So after talking it over with my wonderful bride-to-be, I made up my mind and gave notice.
Now here's the thing. In today's day and age, EVERYONE is replaceable. There isn't a single job that is out there that you do that someone else can't come in and do too. As soon as you recognize that you are replaceable, then I think you honestly do your job better or just give up. In this case, I gave up. I didn't want to because never in my life have I met an employer who didn't deserve to "win" the game like this one didn't. Is she a horrible person? No. No one, at their core is a horrible person. Is she a horrible manager of people? Well, yeah. Pretty horrible. But that doesn't matter. You have to realize that in this world, there are employers and employees. And employees, especially in the child care field are not exactly in short supply. One person leaves, another can step in and take their place. Is it a hassle to have to continually hire and fire? Yes, I think it is. But then again, in the long run, the employer wins out. They always will. So you have to get past that point.
So in the end, I made a decision which in the long run, will make me happier, will make my wife happier and make all those who come in to contact with me happier because for the time being, I don't have to work at a job that doesn't want me there.
It's funny, because in that line of work, it is relatively easy to come down hard on the person running the show. With information you have, with things that you've seen, taken part of, or at the very least know to have happened, it would be so easy to be vindictive and take a parting shot at those who took shots at you every chance they had. Then the Big Man steps in. I was seething from the moment I decided to turn in my notice until the day I did. Then, on the drive to work that day, one of my favorite praise songs came on and I was compelled to turn up the volume, so I could actually LISTEN to the words; so that I could follow the logic behind the song. By the time I had gotten to work that day, every ounce of anger had completely melted away. I had taken the time to put myself into the shoes of EVERYONE else and reminded myself that everyone makes mistakes and everyone has issues that I don't know about...or in some cases, have a peripheral view of and know enough that something isn't completely right. And I can't do anything about some of those things except continue to pray and take it out of my hands and put it into God's. I've done that and I couldn't be happier. I don't want the responsibility of making bad decisions when I can just listen to Him and do what He wants me to do. And He didn't want me there anymore, currying favor from demons instead of praising His name and asking for His help.
I know to some of you this probably sounds like a load of bull, and I'm willing to hear you say that. But I stand by all of it. I haven't fallen into those around me who judged me unfairly by judging them or sending others their way to judge their sins and mistakes. That is on them to fix, and I pray that they find the strength to admit their faults and take His guidance to find a way to fix them.
In closing, "Ten Years of Service" doesn't translate to "Ten Years of Excellent Service" and Ten Years of doing things one way doesn't mean the next ten should be done that way. It isn't always right, no matter if you think it does.
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